This one comes from the deep angst of having “overly concerned”, well… yeah… relatives when i wrote it – i felt it was very India-specific, but as i shared it with friends, I realised that some “ailments” are universal. With a few adjustments, here and there!
dear “relatives” – assorted unclejis & auntijis who generally don’t seem to have much to do in their own personal lives
This letter comes to you in response to your generous curiosity and nosiness in our lives and I hope that you will sincerely appreciate my little “kind suggestions”…… with the same gratitude that I accept your mindful meddling.
When you become a relative to someone – you must know that each of us came with a “life’s little instruction book” in our genetic packaging. I guess you have misplaced yours, so here are the excerpts to the rules.
RULE 1) Always – the ground rule for any situation that isn’t yours is – MYOB – Mind Your Own Business. You will be very loved & welcomed wherever you go, if you follow this one.
RULE 2) Please call before you come visiting – you forget that we occasionally like to step out …. just once in a while of course….
RULE 3) Often families have feuds. Before you get overly concerned over “what really happened” or you want to share some juicy gossip of your neighbour’s daughter – Bite your tongue. Then swallow it slowly. Your silence will be your gift to all mankind.
RULE 4) Please do not tell parents what they should be doing for their children’s marriages and careers and pregnancies and education plans ….. because they don’t advice you on yours! This rule can only be broken under dire circumstances of revenge – when you want to get back at someone who’s harassed you for years!
RULE 5) Please stop asking when someone’s son / daughter is going to get married and why they haven’t yet found someone! When their sons and daughters want to get married, they WILL. – i promise you – your permission will not be required.
RULE 5 – cont’d) While on the topic of marriage – for Heaven’s sake do NOT make any attempts at “matchmaking”!! For further clarity – read rule 1.
Which also means that in the middle of conversations you do NOT casually try to find out the daughter’s age, education, hobbies and cooking abilities. You are being labelled in the girl’s checklist as “annoying” for the rest of your life.
NEVER, EVER, even if you are overflowing with the milk of human kindness advice a single youngster that “thoda compromise to karna padta hai beta” (one has to compromise a bit, you know)
Let them decide their own rules for love & marriage.
RULE 6) When you meet a childless couple, married for 14 years – do one of two things: i) smile and get going or ii) smile and buzz off. Asking them “good news kab de rahe ho?” or suggesting Babajis and rituals not only reveals your complete lack of humanity – it evidently shows that you read but did not understand Rule number 1.
RULE 7) When you finally go these much awaited weddings and birth ceremonies – enjoy their happiness, take double helpings of what you liked, but don’t crib over that one dish that wasn’t cooked to your standards of perfection even if there genuinely wasn’t enough ghee in the rice or salt in the raita. The hosts have taken tremendous effort and spent a lot of money. You’re there to bless the couple / baby. Oh!! you forgot??
Like they say, in the “Karma Cafe of Life” there’s no fixed menu – you only get what you deserve. Just desserts.
- Suhana
When you become a relative to someone – you must know that each of us came with a “life’s little instruction book” in our genetic packaging. I guess you have misplaced yours, so here are the excerpts to the rules.
RULE 1) Always – the ground rule for any situation that isn’t yours is – MYOB – Mind Your Own Business. You will be very loved & welcomed wherever you go, if you follow this one.
RULE 2) Please call before you come visiting – you forget that we occasionally like to step out …. just once in a while of course….
RULE 3) Often families have feuds. Before you get overly concerned over “what really happened” or you want to share some juicy gossip of your neighbour’s daughter – Bite your tongue. Then swallow it slowly. Your silence will be your gift to all mankind.
RULE 4) Please do not tell parents what they should be doing for their children’s marriages and careers and pregnancies and education plans ….. because they don’t advice you on yours! This rule can only be broken under dire circumstances of revenge – when you want to get back at someone who’s harassed you for years!
RULE 5) Please stop asking when someone’s son / daughter is going to get married and why they haven’t yet found someone! When their sons and daughters want to get married, they WILL. – i promise you – your permission will not be required.
RULE 5 – cont’d) While on the topic of marriage – for Heaven’s sake do NOT make any attempts at “matchmaking”!! For further clarity – read rule 1.
Which also means that in the middle of conversations you do NOT casually try to find out the daughter’s age, education, hobbies and cooking abilities. You are being labelled in the girl’s checklist as “annoying” for the rest of your life.
NEVER, EVER, even if you are overflowing with the milk of human kindness advice a single youngster that “thoda compromise to karna padta hai beta” (one has to compromise a bit, you know)
Let them decide their own rules for love & marriage.
RULE 6) When you meet a childless couple, married for 14 years – do one of two things: i) smile and get going or ii) smile and buzz off. Asking them “good news kab de rahe ho?” or suggesting Babajis and rituals not only reveals your complete lack of humanity – it evidently shows that you read but did not understand Rule number 1.
RULE 7) When you finally go these much awaited weddings and birth ceremonies – enjoy their happiness, take double helpings of what you liked, but don’t crib over that one dish that wasn’t cooked to your standards of perfection even if there genuinely wasn’t enough ghee in the rice or salt in the raita. The hosts have taken tremendous effort and spent a lot of money. You’re there to bless the couple / baby. Oh!! you forgot??
Like they say, in the “Karma Cafe of Life” there’s no fixed menu – you only get what you deserve. Just desserts.
- Suhana